How to run the worst presidential campaign ever

Donald Trump. The world’s biggest PR product. A goldmine for people who write political comedy for a living. A man who has failed to strike down on a Republican Party that has gone on a crusade against all non-Christians.

Ever since the surprising day in early November 2016 in which Donald Trump landed a surprise victory, people have asked themselves and each other the big question: How did he win? Was there brainwashing, Russian hacking, PR skills, an ungodly budget, or corruption?

There is just one problem with that question. They’re looking at this the wrong way. The solution is not what Trump did right, since he barely did anything right. It is what Hillary did wrong. I feel confident in saying that Hillary Clinton ran the worst presidential electory campaign in the history of the United States (and in some other countries), for reasons I will discuss in haphazard details further below.


One thing that must be kept in mind, is that Hillary Clinton was in fact the Foreign Secretary under the Obama Administration for seven years before her campaign started. This means that she has had a long foot in how the United States have dealt with Syria, Iraq, Libya, Yemen, Guantanamo, Afghanistan, and Saudi Arabia, all of them currently standing as murderous, mongered and internationally embarrasing chapters in history books around the world. This was to bite her back much later on.

The time is early February 2016. Hillary Clinton has begun her campaign at a fleeting speed, within just a few days solidifying her position as one of the Democratic Party’s only two potential nominees. The dropout rate was in fact so fast that Vermin Supreme made it to 4th place in New Hampshire, just a week after the start of the primaries / semi-finals. She stood on a campaign of feminism, equality, and understandment.

She had one serious opponent left for the next five months. Bernie Sanders, who was reaching out to young voters in droves, promising a non-war policy, de-austerity, and social fairness. Despite being age 78, he was becoming a hero to the long-denounced social democracy fans that had been growing up over the past 30 years, becoming the subject of that generation’s ways to express their emotions (most commonly in the form of memes).

As the election went on, a few Bernie-leaning people began to notice that something wasn’t right. Despite her having only a small lead in the popular vote, almost all of the Democratic Party’s super-electors were more focused on Hillary than Bernie, and allegedly Bernie got very little coverage on American TV channels.

As Hillary’s fluctuating lead kept on increasing, she made the biggest accomplishment of her campaign. Bernie was using more reactionary and revolutionary glossary to appeal to the young generation’s will to fight, but in a very unfortunate twist this turned most other voters away from him. Hillary was standing firm as a pole when she was in public, with a simple smile, making her look very normal and safe by comparison.

It brewed to war at the Democratic Party’s National Convention, and feelings were near the point of explosion between Hillary fans and Bernie fans, especially as Bernie was not intent on just sitting back and accepting the loss until the final count was held.

Hillary emerged victorious, having managed to make Bernie lose face, and sailed forward to the main election with almost the entire Democratic Party behind her, and the only one who could stop her was Donald Trump, a media personality who the entire world saw as little more than a circus clown tooting on his red nose.

This certain victory that everyone took for granted now, was not to last.

It really was not to last.

During the primaries, it later turned out that her own campaign crew wasn’t really sure how to promote her, with one member being revealed by Wikileaks to believe that a Hillary-Cruz matchup would be an even bet, that all other “serious” Republican candidates would smash her in the ground, and thought that Trump being her opponent was the only way she could win.

In Europe, people were still feeling confident that Hillary was a guaranteed win. As well as how Europe’s newspapers were completely unable to take Trump seriously, as most of them were only familiar with him through The Apprentice and his anti-Obama slander, a not too dissimilar situation had come up in the 2002 French presidential election’s second round, standing between Jacques Chirac (the “normal” guy) and Jean-Marie Le Pen (the “anti-immigrants” guy). Chirac took home an astounding 82% of the vote, in one of the largest landslides in western European post-industralisation history. Those few who still knew about it must’ve surely felt that this would be a repeat, and those who didn’t remember it also thought the same thing.

Hillary held leads of up to 15pp against Trump well into August, but things were beginning to crack up.

As Obama began to promote Hillary as often as he could, people were remembered that Hillary had some fairly strong ties to the Obama administration, even though not everyone could remember how they were connected. The Obama administration had completely collapsed in many peoples’ eyes, having been embarrassed worldwide by the revelation of the NSA’s secret strategies and of thousands of war documents. Despite some of the revelations being several years ago by then, his strategies to conspire with their very close ally Sweden to imprison Julian Assange, and imprisoning Bradley Manning by his own hands for decades, made Obama extremely unpopular among pacifists and the tech generation.

Many people were now turning away from Hillary as a result of her connections to a defaced Obama, who had in turn lost all his appeal he had to the young generation he was mustering in 2008.

While not often talked about in the States, American ties to Saudi Arabia were ludicrous and hypocritic at best, and the cause of numerous millions of deaths at worst. John Podesta was the headmaster of Hillary’s campaign; whereas John Podesta’s brother that he worked very closely with, was on the official payroll of the Saudi Arabian royal house to paint a better view of the Saudi Arabian psychotics in the American media environment for them.

With close ties like that, you can see where some of the campaign’s priorities were placed.

As Hillary was now faced with political issues from every angle, she decided to play a card that was so mighty, outdated and slanderous all at once, that no one had dared play it since the late 1980’s. She decided to blame the Russians for everything. Absolutely everything whatsoever.

Her war past was now being brushed off as Russian propaganda. Her anti-Russian stances were brushed off as Russian propaganda. Her aggressions against Russia were brushed off as Russian aggressions against the US. Her fellows in the Democratic Party caught the bait, hook and sink.

Those who were angry with her, despite extreme coercion from the Democratic Party in every type of media to believe her, saw straight through what was going on. Already then it was obvious that she was using her last-resort dirty solution to excuse her own economical and political mistakes under Obama, and the election was still two months away. Not that this was reported much in the Western media, however.

At that point, Wikileaks got their hands of a lot of documents and E-mails that involved Hillary somehow. Among other things, she was directly paid by the increasingly infamous lobbyist company Goldman Sachs to host a speech at one point in her campaign.

The list of issues that arose was now getting long. Throughout her campaign, Hillary had preached that fair justice would come for all rape victims and violence victims. When her husband Bill was accused once more of workplace-indecent touching, Hillary responded by just as well removing the victim-related promises from her campaign website.

She was now in a more squeezed situation, than a rubber balloon wrapped around by a cobra snake. She also didn’t promote her actual policy plans a whole lot, whereas Trump promoted simple-to-understand promises at every chance he could humanly get. The wrong cards that she kept playing were now getting so problematic, that undecided voters ran away from her and opted for Trump. The same Trump that was (and is) anti-everything, and whose name at the time commanded arguably the worst fanbase in the world.

Hillary held a lead of 10pp with three weeks to go, but the lead was almost evaporated going into election day.

She lost the mandate vote. What was unbelievable to many people two months earlier, had now happened.

As was revealed in part 1 of Wikileaks’ Vault 7 leak series, Obama had tried to promote her a bit more than what was previously believed, setting the then most ultra-secret corners of the CIA into motion to tip and hack the election in her favour, and then blaming Russia for it.

She had the friendly look, the experience, and the whole system behind her. She went up against a fascist, and rigged the election in her favour, and still lost.

Polls back in May showed that Bernie Sanders would’ve (at the time) smashed Trump by 70:30.

Bill de Blasio would’ve beat Trump. Colin Kaepernick would’ve beat Trump. Vermin Supreme would’ve beat Trump.

Hillary failed to beat Trump.

How to run the worst presidential campaign ever

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